Modern Love
We are sold the idea of the happily ever after as soon as we develop preliminary level of cognitive skills. The image of the ‘Prince Charming’ has come up in every little girl’s imagination at some point in her life. Someone who will sweep you off your feet with the promise of the one and only thing every girl wants; a happily ever after. Boys are told tales of courage and adventure. Romance is a beautiful part of their story; not the end goal. A princess is a rescue mission, the Knight in shining armor has to accomplish. It has been decades, but the plots of our stories haven’t changed much.
I remember telling the little neighborhood girls my version of the classic fairytales. In my stories, Cinderella was an unruly epic football player and the fairy godmother gifted her awesome football shoes instead of the glass slippers. Snow White wasn’t scared of getting tanned, and Rapunzel was an eclectic hair stylist. I wanted my princesses to have personalities and passions. I wanted them to be flawed and comfortable in their own skin. I wanted them to be opinionated and sensitive. These stories confused those little girls, as my version was a lot different from what they had heard before. There was always that moment when I could see a glint in their eyes that told me they were fascinated with the multifaceted princesses I had created for them.
I know nothing about parenting, but I wish parents to actively start giving a more realistic view of romance to boys and girls early on. I am not suggesting not giving them a sense of wonder or a dream of eternal love. Of course, do that. But tell them what a long-term partnership is all about. Show them that it is beyond pretty outfits and extravagant weddings. Show them it is beyond butterflies in the stomach and instagrammable moments. Show them it is not all about the cute gifts and love songs. Show them the secret lies in the little everyday things, and not the over the top grand gestures of love. Tell them, it is okay to never want that too.
The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves. — Victor Hugo
Millennials get a lot of flak for being “commitment-phobic” and are tagged as a frivolous Tinder-generation. Some of us do tend to exhaust our dating options and savings on clichéd trends like “candid” pre-wedding photo shoots. However, I also observe a different side to a lot of Millennials though. I see couples having a tad more gender-equal marriages/relationships. I see women ensuring their male partners realize the kind of discrimination they face socially and professionally. I see men becoming better men because of those conversations. I see men being more vulnerable with their partners, by not having to succumb to the pressures of having to be a strong man all the time. I see men encouraging their female partners to be unapologetically themselves, acknowledge their self-worth, and speak up for equality. I see couples calling each other out over problematic behavior.
Couples are having more conversations, discussions, and arguments on a myriad of topics. They value each other’s thoughts and opinions. They are beginning to be more concerned about things beyond themselves. Millennial couples don’t just want to grow old together, they want to grow intellectually, emotionally, and socially together. They make their own rules and create their own world, which isn’t necessarily limited to just them. Personally, as I am approaching mid-thirties, I have realized that my definition of romantic love has evolved a lot in the past two decades. I can go on and on about what I think love is or can be.
I wish to see acceptance of all kinds of love, sexualities, cultural differences, and age-gaps (of course, all the parties involved should be adults). In the end, love is all about what you and your partner wish to make it to be. Your definition of love might differ from mine. But the only constant that needs to be in every relationship is respect. Respect has to be non-negotiable. Everything else can be customized. On that note, Happy Valentine’s Day, Y’all!
